2/24/18: Unconsciously Choosing Paradox (Part Seven, The Monkey in my Imagined China Shop of Unsubstantiated Fears)

And so, to me, this idea of true belonging is a type of belonging that never requires us to be inauthentic or change who we are, but a type of belonging that demands who we are — that we be who we are — even when we jeopardize connection with other people, even when we have to say, “I disagree. That’s not funny. I’m not on board.”

—— Brené Brown

——————————————-

Authenticity. Yup… a tall order.

As an artist, I’ve always sought comfort in the process rather than really connecting to the piece itself. That’s why I’ve gravitated to craft materials in the past. Just to make a thing and be done with it. If it wasn’t quite what I was looking for, I made another, and then another. Usually trashing what could be considered the most authentic, original expression of the idea.

Writing is quite a different experience altogether. It feels more like drawing or painting to me. A piece may never really be “complete” and one might revisit and revise those first brush strokes indefinitely. I’ve always been intimidated by painting and drawing but I’m finding this similar challenge in the art of writing to be rather exhilarating now. The medium forces me to look at my work in ways I never before would have considered.

Have I really changed so much?

Hmm…

——

Last week I posted the lyrics to a song called I’m One of Them. I wrote the piece more than fifteen years ago… at a time in my life when I was exploring polar opposite political views from that which I’d always been used to in the past. I was revisiting the song last week because of this current topic of vulnerability. I remembered having performed it publicly only once after writing it and the reaction of a friend I respected had so affected me, I never did it again.

I posted the song on this blog with the subtitle (Channeling the “Other Side”) and then linked it to my Facebook page with an explanation to offer context. I felt uncomfortable almost immediately and started looking at the thing regularly to see if anyone would react to it. I took the Facebook post down after about fourteen hours with no indication anyone in my social network had even seen it.

Two days later, a dear friend (who happens to be a trained therapist) asked me why I’d posted the song and I told her the whole story. With a few quick CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) informed questions, my friend soon had successfully supported my acknowledgment of those irrational assumptions which had led me to take down the original expression of vulnerability, that was the FB post. That old fear was rendered powerless and this seven-part piece of writing that’s been on my back since the original idea came to me two weeks ago…

I suppose it’s as complete as I need it to be…

For now…

Hmm…

I am truly…

Blessed…

m(___)m

 

By | 2018-02-25T05:12:11+00:00 February 24th, 2018|The Life of Brian (In the Now)|Comments Off on 2/24/18: Unconsciously Choosing Paradox (Part Seven, The Monkey in my Imagined China Shop of Unsubstantiated Fears)