1/28/18: Looking for Love: Muddy, Meandering Paths to Myself (Part five, An Alternate Reality #1)

There was proof that I had been there
And proof I’d come and gone
Imprinted in the sand’s of time
So why should I walk on
Now and then identical
Though never quite the same
And future waves will erase both
As if I never came

— Loudon Wainwright III

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As I said in Friday’s post, I have one other online love attempt story to share before I’ll be rewinding back in time to when this misplaced love thing began (as best as I’ll be able to recall anyway).

I’ll name this one Jessica.

—–

Meeting Jessica was an amazing experience. I have nothing to compare it to, and no one I have ever met has elicited such conflicting feelings from me before or since.

It’s going to take a few posts to tell this story.

We met online (again through E-harmony.com) in late 2005 and Jessica came to stay with me for one week in early 2006. As with Marcy, we quickly saw how compatible we were through the site’s interface and wanted to connect on the phone and eventually meet in person. But with Jessica, it was very difficult to have a long (or anything other than brief) uninterrupted phone conversation. The reason for this was very understandable and one of many things I found extremely admirable about Jessica.

We then had to make do with email correspondence.

I was of course, not about to repeat the mistake I had made with Marcy. I had no illusions of that sort with Jessica. In fact, by the time we did meet in person, I had already a clear idea in my mind that my relationship with Jessica would never be more than platonic.

And I was right. Even so, I was (and am finding myself still now) conflicted. Both in thoughts and emotion. I was and am so conflicted regarding my thoughts and feelings towards Jessica, it’s like I’m suddenly transported into some kind of alternate reality.

I’m going to have to meditate a bit before I can decide how to approach this story in a way that I can feel does justice…

to the story and to Jessica.

So I’ll have start that attempt when this will again have to be…

To be continued…

 

By | 2018-02-18T21:21:05+00:00 January 28th, 2018|Memoirs|Comments Off on 1/28/18: Looking for Love: Muddy, Meandering Paths to Myself (Part five, An Alternate Reality #1)