2/28/18: Looking for Love: Muddy, Meandering Paths to Myself (Part Eight, Sex, Lies and The Book of Love #4)

… she would eventually also be my first kiss and my first experience touching a girl “down there” so I guess she was my first girlfriend. But with Nancy, I never felt like I had a girlfriend. She was not exactly affectionate and we rarely even talked back then. All my early memories of her suggest she did what she did for reasons other than anything having to do with me. I couldn’t have predicted that we would eventually become friends. That Nancy would eventually become my introduction to simply being friends with a girl, was beyond my ninth grade self.


No… with Nancy I never felt like I had a girlfriend, but something happened between that dance at the end of the ninth grade and sometime during our freshman year at John Marshal High School in my home town of Rochester, Minnesota. At some point Nancy and I became… friends. I’m sure it was all because Nancy had decided this would happen. She had never been comfortable with “us” at JA (she never allowed it to be public that we ever even kissed) so when we got to JM she decided that it would all change.

Looking back, I really need to thank Nancy for this. Kissing her and that one time she let me touch her under her dress had been very uncomfortable for me. No doubt I could feel it was uncomfortable for her too so… how could I be comfortable when she wasn’t?

The transition was seamless. Nancy and I were now friends and although we didn’t hang out together a lot (like best buddies or anything) it was now a comfortable relationship. We actually liked each other, as people. Nancy smiled when she saw me in the hallway and I looked after her to see she wasn’t set upon by riffraff. She was still a bit of a quiet girl who had a shy outward countenance. Sweet and vulnerable looking. But Nancy knew what she was doing. Still, she was small and I was big and she was my friend.

I remember this guy… George Volker. He wasn’t an asshole or a bully or predator or anything like that. But I didn’t like how he talked about Nancy one time so I told her to stay away from him. Apparently, Nancy had gone out with Volker and he’d gotten to touch her “down there” too. I’m not proud that I let the conversation get to where it did. That I told him I’d done that too and agreed when he said he didn’t understand at all why she behaved the way she did with him.

But afterword, I told Nancy to stay away from Volker and the beginning friendship that George and I has started, now ended rather abruptly.

A year later, I was happy to be able to introduce Nancy to a friend I met while in Europe and they dated for quite a long time after graduating from JM. We lost touch with each other after graduation but I really am lucky to have been Nancy’s friend in high school. Because of her example of friendship, I would be able to become friends with several other girls… like Patty, who would then become part of Mark’s entourage.

But that’s another, completely different story that I’ll get into much later. I included the story of Nancy in this topic of sex, lies and the book of love because it started that way. Fortunately, it ends up being about friendship. But this topic isn’t about that.

And this topic has still some more to go as it continues…

To be continued…



By |2018-04-01T10:39:39+00:00February 28th, 2018|Memoirs|Comments Off on 2/28/18: Looking for Love: Muddy, Meandering Paths to Myself (Part Eight, Sex, Lies and The Book of Love #4)