What a man most wants from a woman, is to be able to see that she admires him.
What a woman most wants from a man, is for her to be able to see him as admirable.


Going online, I found the above idea postulated, expounded and expanded upon by many authors, thinkers and commentators. Most of them also add mutual respect as either prerequisite or an essential correlating element.

I both admired and respected Jessica. But for reasons I’m choosing to express here as like suddenly being transported into some kind of alternate reality, I’m going to begin my experience of meeting Jessica… by doing a little compare and contrast with meeting Marcy.

Perhaps this will help me get a handle on it.


Photos and Deception:

When I think bout it, it seems that photos are inherently deceptive but still…

Unintended or not… to this (mostly the deception part) I attribute the beginning of the end for both relationships.

With Marcy’s profile, I was first attracted to a photo she used in which (I later learned) she was quite a bit (possibly more than ten years) younger. She later sent me current photos, but by then we had already emailed back and forth and spoke on the phone many times. By then, I was already feeling a great deal of (imagined) love for her. My profile photo was very current and I sent her other photos of me at the day center where I worked, and with my band Social Smokers. I’m not saying I was less deceptive in the beginning with Marcy. Who doesn’t put their best self forward when meeting someone one wants to be seeing you at your best?


Jessica had no profile photo. She explained that because she was blind, she didn’t have many current photos at all so she sent me one taken recently when her son Albert was invited to meet First Lady Laura Bush. Jessica also explained that she wouldn’t be able to determine if she was really attracted to me until we met in person and that this worried her a bit. I then told her that since she wouldn’t be able to really see me until then, I would not look at the photo she’d sent.

I’d lied. I looked. I was not attracted to the woman I saw in that picture.

Now who was being deceptive?

To be continued…