At this point in my little writing project here. Here in this blog. This blog with the purpose of writing memoir… I’m feeling a need to say something about my whole, “I’m the good boy/man” theme/meme.
I honestly do see myself as the kind of person who wants to do right, or at the very least is never malicious when I do things that technically aren’t really the right thing to do. I’m not always as considerate of how what I do might affect others as I perhaps should be, but I don’t intentionally do things to hurt (or even exclude) others.
I’m saying this here (again… I just remembered why this is now sounding familiar) because my recent accounts of “shenanigans” (translate to something more apropos if you must) has me feeling like I’ve been downplaying my own culpability. Like I’ve been reaching for justifications for thievery and other illegal (and a few possibly immoral) activities while gleefully regaling you with these, my tales of fun times doing exactly that… occasionally at the expense of others.
The truth is, I can’t be completely sure how my nineteen-year-old (and younger) self, actually contemplated these event I’m now recounting. I’m flying by the seat of my pants here, and when I’m not one hundred and fifty percent sure of how something went down, I simply do the best I can. For the most part, I’ve been trying to avoid talking too much about how I was feeling at the time these events were occurring and opting for a “just the facts” approach. This way, my focus can be on the story, allowing you, my dear reader to speculate on how I might have been feeling at the time.
Most of the time.
Of course I do also wish to (and I do and will continue to do so) share in these stories, something of how my adult self sees my young self’s emotional state at the time.
Thus, this mess.
This mess that is THIS post!
This mess that I now feel maybe simply an excuse to share the cute photo above. And yes, I’d rather it be that, then some whine or rant about how or why I’ve been telling the story or not. An inner voice tells me to “Just stop this and tell the story already!” and “If you want to share your feelings then put it to poetry.”
My hand now hovers
Over a see
Glad to discover
My eye gives away
Bye by and buy
Begging to stay