He seems like a reasonable guy.

I never see him sneering or looking at me with obvious disdain. Still… I always feel a bit off when in his presence. As if there is something wrong with me.

Must it be taken as an assumed fact, that his opinion somehow has more weight than mine?

He is a man of erudition. Well-educated and articulate, and I mostly look forward to the times we spend together. The conversation is certainly never boring.

Often, he will get on some “topic of great importance” and start out quite conscientiously. Limiting his own speech, he’ll ask effective questions and give thoughtful indications that he’s honestly listening, considering it all. Everything will be going just fine as he encourages those nearby to contribute their perspective.

But before long, he’ll inevitably say something no one understands and then (after a slight awkward silence) he’ll just go off into one of his long-winded rants.

Then everything changes.

He then just goes on and on. For what seems like hours. No longer leaving any room for comment between statements, he simply soliloquies until someone finally gives up and interrupts him in exasperation.

Then everything changes again.

Suddenly, this Mr. Reasonable transforms into Mr. Apology. Mr. Humble. He starts acting as if he had been completely inclusive the whole time, as if the rant never happened.

But boy is he sorry that we all feel like he was dominating… (like of course he WAS) dominating the conversation.

The “conversation”… heh. More like a lecture. No wonder people now tend to avoid engaging him at all. They make up excuses and quickly change the subject if anyone makes the mistake of bringing up one of his pet topics.

Except for me.

I actually like his lectures and actively seek them out. I encourage him to continue and tell him this, even when he is obviously feeling (quite correctly) as if he is again dominating the discussion.

I actually like it when I feel that slightly off feeling. Like I’m now going to be in the presence of one who expounds facts that have a kind of gravitas that I will never know.

Is there something wrong with me?

——

m(___)m