“You could see her thoughts swimming around in her eyes, like fish – some bright, some dark, some fast, quick, some slow and easy, and sometimes, like when she looked up where Earth was, being nothing but colour and nothing else.”
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“Sweet dreams my love.”
I send this one last text of the day to my sweetheart, hoping she’s asleep with her phone silenced. It’s nearly midnight there now and I’d rather she see it in the morning, than be awakened by the sharp, piercing ring of its arrival on her end.
Better she rest that knee. No doubt it was hurting after such a long day of family obligations. Ten minutes pass and there are no moving three dots at the bottom of the text window… no reply.
Good.
Sleep sweetheart, sleep. Yes, I know I’m the luckier one.
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Christmas has always been about family in the same way for me… but since I live thousands of miles away (in Hawaii) I’m forced to meet my obligations at a distance. Once again I’m struck by how easily technology makes this.
Is it a good thing? Yes, it is.
My yearly gift of Lake Champlain chocolates to my mother arrived on schedule, as did the ones I sent to my sweetheart. I’m so very happy. I feel the mingling of our families and of how naturally I embrace (and feel embraced by) it all. I only wish I could be there to help with the obligation part.
I only wish I could be there.
Earlier today (it was still morning for me) when she was over at her father’s house we did a FaceTime chat and they all oh’d and ah’d at the green green jungle that constantly surrounds my little corner of paradise. The banana trees were a big hit. I saw my sweethearts eyes flash by on the screen as she flipped the view round so I could see the brown and dirty white winter scene surrounding her.
Ok, ok… I know, I the luckier one.
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8:30 pm (12:30 am on her end) my phone dings as a text appears… 💋😴💋
Hmm… I shan’t reply. Sleep my love, sleep.
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Earlier this evening, I went down to the “family room” of this house to find my housemate entertaining several of her dearest friends. They are like family. I can relate to this.
I help myself to the food offered and enjoy conversations with a few of them. A brief conversation about quantum mechanics (among other things) with a spiritual-leaning psychologist, and a literary conversation about sci-fi and other cool fiction with the fifteen year old son of another guest.
My mind slips in and out of awareness during these conversations. An awareness of how I’m showing up in this space. I’m so very happy. Nothing else matters. What might have otherwise been a trigger for some of the more challenging aspects of my ego are far from doing so now.
I’m so very happy.
I go back to my room as the drumming starts. Back to the sanctuary that is my room. I continue with the most chill portion of what has been a very chill Christmas day indeed, binge-watching old episodes on Netflix, of my sweetheart’s favorite crime drama.
Yes, yes… I am the luckier one.
Sleep well my love, sleep well.
Blessed…
m(___)m
