a strange recognition
of an as yet undeveloped truth
wafts before me

an oddly instinctive understanding
hitherto unspoken
but in this moment
somehow realized

like the wind

solitude
of a kind in which i
even as my specifically calloused fingers
crudely tap out the words
find cause for subtle resistance

but it’s there just the same
a fatuous solitude

and here i am
fumbling
groping
a desperate attempt to glean some way of explaining this deep dark failing on my part

a failing of character
failing of the heart
a failing to recognize my own failing

time becomes irrelevant
thoughts of future possibilities
dissolve
into the gaping maw
of imagined destiny

still
i know exactly what this is
this need for a specific
and special kind of loneliness

i know it
like the liver spots
on the back of my hand
and it terrifies me sometimes

if not for love
i would cease to exist

m(-_-)m