It never shuts off.
This is a good thing.
I need clear judgement to navigate my world.
The primary focus, is awareness-inspired intentional action.
Thus, I must also employ a reality-induced regulatory device.
To keep me where I long to dwell
In that peaceful heart-space
My sweetheart is always there
When an otherwise closed space is opened
A dimension of intimacy comes into being
With it’s own, specific demands
I must heed them
Integrity is required
The other day, I was getting a snack at the 7-11 in Niu Valley. I couldn’t help but over-hear a young local mother talking to her husband (or… at least the father of her boy) about his way of behaving around the toddler (perhaps two years old).
She was speaking to him in what I judged to be an effective manner. Gently, yet with serious intention. She insisted he respond to her admonishments, as if she had to treat him like another child. Yet she was trying hard not to take a position that might trigger a masculine defensiveness on his part.
I heard him say, “I don’t want to baby him.”
To which she responded, “It’s not babying him to show him love. When you pick on him and tease him, he copies what you do and then treats other little boys badly when you’re not around.”
I returned to my van with my snack (I had only a few minutes before my next pickup) and the young man came out to smoke. He shifted his weight back and forth uncomfortably as he smoked. With quick, aggressive puffs as he looked around. Like he didn’t want to be seen like this.
I made sure he didn’t see me looking in his direction. The young man then went back in and picked up his son while the mother was paying for their things. The boy hugged his father, hesitantly… as if it wasn’t something he often did.
Yesterday morning my sweetheart called during her lunch hour.
This doesn’t happen every day, but often enough.
A minor distraction caused my internal judgement machine to poke me for a moment.
I made a slightly lame plea to her, to acknowledge my foible.
But I’m not certain she picked up on it.
It didn’t matter though.
And it was better she didn’t respond as if she had noticed.
We let it just be… for me to feel.
And then let go.
Through our action and inaction (consciously or not)
Neither of us allowed any of it to interfere with our connection.
We are so good for each other.